Being a student while grieving
Balancing the needs of a college curriculum with added stress from loss can be tough for many students – but support is available.
The Pennington Student Achievement Center is where counseling services are held. Photo courtesy University of Nevada, Reno.
Exams and papers are certainly enough for students at the University of Nevada, Reno to need mental health breaks to focus on self care. Which is why counseling and mental health services on campus are important – whether it’s to relieve stress or to have ongoing mental health services for deeper issues. Students who have lost loved ones, however, have a specific set of mental health needs when it comes to balancing life and their healing journey.
“I didn’t know how I was going to be able to sit through a lecture while also dealing with the loss of my grandmother, " said Kinari Estabillo, an English major at the university. “I couldn’t focus on anything. It was hard to talk to anyone about it, because I feel like whenever I tried to talk to someone, it would just hurt a lot.”
This was happening during Estabillo’s first semester of her second year. In addition to loads of new college experiences, this was new for her, too.
“It was very much a struggle, because that was really the first time I lost someone really close to me,” she said.
Experiencing grief as a student myself, I know the feeling. Grief can set great barriers when trying to focus on school and everyday life in general.
“It [grief] kept me really distracted,” said Alexis Arnes, a second year student. “Not too distracted from classes. But then when I did tell my closest friends, I did break down. It was embarrassing, but I had to, like, pull myself back together, because ain’t no way I’m crying in public, like, no way.”
After losing a loved one at the age of 13, Arnes dealt with the grief on her own, and continues to do so today. However, she said she’s open to exploring the counseling services available on campus at some point.
“I feel like in college it’s more welcoming to just grieve, because they’re more open to communicating it,” she said.
Estabillo has taken advantage of the counseling services on campus, as a way to process her loss.
“I felt open with them. I felt comfortable with them, like I could talk to them about anything,” she said. “And I think they did a good job of trying to help me at least get through the initial acceptance of losing my grandmother.”
I have also taken advantage of the university’s mental health services, and see a professional there regularly to process my own emotions around loss.
“Grief comes in many forms. I think most people typically view it as only when someone passes away. But oftentimes, it can be seen in other areas as well,” said Bryce Scottron, a doctoral psychology intern at the University’s Counseling Services.
“Many students could be grieving the loss of a family member, friend, or relationship. It could be an academic loss, job loss,” he said.
Scottron notes that the on-campus counseling services include a variety of types of options, such as group therapy, one-time sessions, or ongoing meetings. While in the past, group therapy pertaining specifically to grief was available, there is not one present this year. However, this does not hinder the existing services to help students with their grief.
“We do have exposure to how to manage or work with grief,” said Scottron, “whether in the classroom, in a workshop, or even some of our topics here during our practice here.”
Aside from the group therapy and individual sessions, Scottron also addresses some immediate services that are offered.
“We offer a satellite office called ‘The Annex.’ It’s in the bottom of Great Basin Hall. There’s a thing called Let’s Talk, which usually runs every day.”
Although there is not a grief-focused service specifically, the topic of grief can be present during workshops, group therapy, or individual sessions. There is also an opportunity to get connected with services outside of campus, if needed.
“If they [students] need a higher level of care than we can provide, what we do is case management where we actually help students find what they need and link them up to the best support that we can possibly find for them,” Scottron said.
With my personal experience with counseling services, I can say that there is a great deal of openness and warmth to grieving students. But there are other ways to help process tough emotions, and Estabillo has some suggestions.
“I will say things are hard and that’s okay. Do whatever you think you need to do. Do what feels right to help you through the grief, whether it be drawing or spending time with family,” she said.
Grief can come in many different forms and whichever forms it comes, counseling services are most certainly equipped to help students through their healing journey or even as an ear to talk to.
If you or anyone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis or suicidal thoughts, please contact the Nevada suicide hotline at 988. Support is free, confidential and available 24/7.
